7 Years of Marriage: A Journey of Love, Trials, and Triumphs
Empty boxes, bags full of clothes, and decluttering necessary spaces. This was us in 2019 when we moved out of our apartment after our first year of marriage. It was the first place we called home that helped to build the beginning of our marital foundation. As we didn’t know what our marriage would have in store, we both knew that it would take the work of Christ to grow, build, and establish our marriage.
“Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!
9 Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints!
There is no want to those who fear Him.
10 The young lions lack and suffer hunger;
But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.”Psalms 34:8-10
The Trials in Uprooting Your Life:
When we first moved into our first apartment, Marquis got a job working locally with a school as a Spanish teacher. I will never forget when he packed up his entire car and moved down to Kansas City from Texas. I was finishing up my Bachelor’s degree and was not working at the time after we got married. I don’t know what it feels like to uproot your life from your hometown but Marquis did it with a lot of courage. The night after our wedding on August 5, 2017, I officially moved in, and life as a married couple began for us. I was navigating the end of college while also learning to be a young, new wife.
We took each day to learn one another and the rhythms that worked for us. By the end of the year, we were both without a stream of income coming into the home due to our decision for Marquis to leave his job. Truthfully, we wrestled with the advice of someone encouraging us to hold on a little longer with the job while another person encouraged us to let it go. We took what felt good to us instead of intentionally consulting the Lord about it for ourselves. Though I was much a part of that process, I had to learn how difficult it was to create life in a new city where Marquis had no family and friends present. At that time, I don’t believe it was just about the job, it was also about so many new life adjustments. New city, new home, new job, and a new church for Marquis. I could see the discouragement, shame, and distress on his face knowing he was the ultimate provider of our home. Because the Lord is good, he restored our lack of finances after what felt like three months of drought. The Lord gave us the help we needed through family and friends, which is also why we do our best to bless others today.
“Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!” -Psalms 34:8
The Triumphs through God’s Goodness:
That season of our lives taught us how to depend on the Lord and how He orchestrates timing, especially when we move ahead of his plans. It brought us to greater trust in the Lord and one another. It gave us a reference point on how to hear God together for the plans stored up for us vs. depending on ourselves when dissatisfaction comes into our lives. In Psalm 34, David is acknowledging how good the Lord is and that those who trust in Him are blessed. Our marriage has exemplified over and over again how good the Lord is to sustain us through every season.
I remember the day the phone call came to offer Marquis a job in higher education when we were without consistent income for three months. We both leaped with joy because we knew how much humility we had to walk in while accepting support from others. There was even a time when we were getting notice from our apartment complex that we were behind, for the first time. The Lord provided rightly in His timing and we recovered so much for what felt like months of financial loss.
“Oh, fear the Lord you saints!
There is no want to those who fear Him.” -Psalms 34:9
Seven years of marriage has taught me so much about growing in the fear of the Lord and forgetting not His benefits. It has taught me how to dance when the heart grows weary and how to rejoice in the face of hardship, mistakes, and suffering. It has shown me how Christ resurrects the self-centered areas of your heart, mind, and soul to best serve your spouse and others. Together, we have lifted our heads through the valleys of the unknown and the praise of prayers. The years that would one day set a foundation of hope that is reliant on Christ alone, not just on our works. In a world that is constantly shaped by culture, Jesus teaches us to be shaped by His kingdom which sets a lamp under our feet wherever we go in our marriage.
The young lions lack and suffer hunger;
But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing. -Psalms 34:10
As Marquis and I are extremely ambitious, over these past seven years of marriage, I have testified of the Lord unraveling and refining us for His will and not of our own. We have learned to lay down our ways and trust the portion that God wants to give us, because it always is a good thing, even when we don’t see it. Psalms 34:10 says that those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing. What are the good things? They are the things that are in alignment with God’s heart that pushes us into a greater freedom that flows from Him.
The Love that Keeps Growing:
7 Questions for 7 Years:
1. What has been one thing you have enjoyed most about marriage?
Marquis: The companionship. I truly love being with the person I am married to. I genuinely look forward to spending time and doing life with you to this day. I absolutely love being married to you. It’s not just tolerating you.
Makayla: I have honestly enjoyed starting a marriage in my early 20s. Yes, there have been many things to learn throughout my 20s but I appreciated growing through them in marriage and not settling for thinking that a couple doesn’t make it because of their ages. When I got married at the age of 22, I knew my heart was deeply centered on Christ and that He would help me navigate all the areas I was unsure of. I have enjoyed being with someone who has taught me how to love with patience and never lose sight of who I am in the process.
2. How has marriage taught you more about your relationship with Christ?
Marquis: I would say it starts with the selflessness that it requires. The depth of my spiritual relationship directly coincides with the depth of our relationship together and when you talk about the order of the home. We first submit our lives to the will of God and from that, ultimately do to one another in our marriage.
Makayla: My relationship with Christ has grown significantly because marriage has helped me learn what it means to be a team. In a world that is easily self-centered, it has taught me how being Christ-centered in all things is what establishes hope for the present and future in all things; family life, friendships, goals, and more. I have learned to co-labor through prayer with someone and grow in submitting myself to Christ in both seasons of joy and pain.
3. What is one challenge you have seen us overcome that has strengthened our union?
Marquis: Our first six months of marriage were a defining moment because it was our first challenge together with job loss and you getting ready to graduate. We had to be dependent on God in a whole different way together and that is something that I look back on that is critical to why we can do what we do today. It serves as a reminder of God’s faithfulness but also the resilience that was built during that season.
Makayla: One challenge I have seen us overcome as a union is letting some of our dreams go. Before we launched a youth ministry, we let go of the mentoring programs we were individually running. It is not because they were bad, it has been because God has wanted to build a dream inside of us that enhances the work of the gospel and reaches the community we were meant to serve in that season. I remember being so frustrated and like a failure for letting go of a nonprofit organization. Yet, it was necessary for it to not define my identity as a wife or woman of faith. As we are both go-getters, the Lord has shown us His ways through ministry which increased our level of humility and openness to His leading when it comes to the work He desires for us to steward.
4. Was there ever a time when you thought you would never be married?
Marquis: Yes, in 2015. At that point in my life, I decided mindset-wise that, Lord I just have to live for you because the halfway-in and halfway-out mindset wasn’t cutting in. I said it was all or nothing, I was going to be like the Apostle Paul, lol!
Makayla: Yes, briefly. I was losing hope when it came to relationships in my early 20s. I didn’t think there would be any guy out there who would appreciate that I did not want to have sex before marriage. The temptations would creep in by trying to convince me that to keep any relationship around, I would have to get deeply intimate sexually. I am thankful that God transformed my view to see marriage through his lens and not by the standards of the world.
5. How has adding children to marriage impacted you?
Marquis: I would say that I am a lot more conscious of how every move and decision I make directly impacts either time away or time with the kids and us as a family, and living with intentionality with our time because of the memories knowing our kids are only young one time. And as they grow I want them to know that we are a team, to raise them to be godly children with a foundation in Christ and, keep them alive!
Makayla: Transitioning home full-time to raise our kids has impacted my spiritual discipline in so many different ways. You have watched me navigate some rough stages of postpartum yet had so much belief that it would not remain that way for me. Now we are getting ready to raise three children and I have learned how to set better rhythms for my personal life, marriage, and our home overall. I have leaned on Christ through seasons of deep sorrow like I never have before. Lastly, I have grown away from some prideful areas of my heart due to shame. I had to graduate over and over again from thinking I had to ‘do it all’ as if everyone was requiring that of me in the home when that was not true. The heart-healing moments in parenthood have brought me closer to the Lord and our marriage. I still love it here every day through it all!
6. How do you keep your uniqueness while being married?
Marquis: I think staying real to personal needs I have when I think about taking time for myself. I am big on things like working out and taking time for myself, knowing how critical it is if I am not at my best in developing the things that I know God has gifted me to do—how then can I help you all do the same? Our individuality is what makes the sum of the team even greater because we are leaning into what we do really well and not trying to be something that we are not. I am grateful that you don’t push me into being anything that I am not, that is where the support comes. You have always been supportive of my different endeavors.
Makayla: For me, it is remembering that God was very intentional in how he created every individual. To embrace your uniqueness, one must allow Christ to shape who they are at the core. Though a spouse can help continue to enhance unique areas, it is not their job to give who God molded their spouse to be. I am thankful that I am given the space to write, create, encourage others, and take care of my needs that help me be the best mom and wife I can be daily.
7. What is one bite of wisdom you would give someone who wants to get married one day?
Marquis: Evaluate why you want to get married because I would rather an individual not get caught up in the idea of marriage thinking that everything culminates in the wedding day—-that is that starting line and if you are not doing the foundational work now in taking care of you and that your alignment is to God and not to another person because that is not going to change in marriage. Without the spiritual alignment and foundation, you will be swayed by whatever flavor of the month is and lose sight of what marriage truly represents. That level of waiting is not something to be taken lightly just because the wedding day looks cool. It takes work, but it is worth it when you know that you are with the right individual and doing it for the right reasons.
Makayla: Don’t marry just because it looks fun or because you think it will resolve every life issue. Marriage is holy work that must be grounded on a solid foundation and for us, that is through Christ alone. When seasons of trials, hardships, and suffering arise—it tests the strength of a marriage, that is why you don’t just want to do it because it looks lovely to the outside world. God will take care of every portion necessary to grow a healthy marriage when He is truly at the core of it. Knowing what you believe about marriage will shape how you care for it. It can’t just be based on the opinions of people or the highlight reels seen on social media.
Happy 7th wedding anniversary to us! Comment below if anything encouraged you or gave you a personal perspective about marriage!
