But, I Want To Have It All Together First
When I was a little girl, I would go to the back room of our home and play dress up with plastic heels and dresses that were gifted to me. It was such a joy to be able to see myself all dolled up while listening to my heels clank across the floor. Dressing up made me feel very beautiful and alive as a little girl—but I never wore those things outside of the house because it was for “pretend play” only. As I have gotten older, I realize how much I want to dress up all the things in my life that bring me discomfort. I want to make sure that my appearance remains on point when I am internally healing and navigating through different areas of life.
Dressing up is not a bad thing when it comes to clothing attire it does bring a woman confidence when she knows that she looks good even if she isn’t feeling good. But what happens when a woman is trying to dress up more than just her appearance? What happens when she is doing even more work by trying to dress up her scars, setbacks, trauma, and fears? I ponder on those questions and wonder how much of the frustrating seasons in life stem from wanting to have it all together.
It is the stigma that if you don’t have it all together—you will not be able to operate fully in the places and spaces that God has positioned you to be in. I reflect on all the times I thought I had to have it all together before I made a move. Things like getting married and moving in with my spouse, becoming a first-time mom, or even flying across the country for ministry. I can think about many occasions where I wanted to pull out for not having it all together—but truly, that thought pattern points to self which is very contrary to what Jesus wants for His children. Having it all together is rooted in this posture of wanting to be perfect and live up to a false standard that drives one to constant people pleasing or overworking to prove self.
When I stumble over the hard days of motherhood or the belief I have placed in my head that I need to do more to show my spouse that I don’t fail—it exposes how self-reliant I have become instead of looking to Jesus that is far more perfect than the human nature of my heart can hold. Maybe, just maybe I want to have it all together because I think it will exempt me from experiencing hardships and the adversity of life. Maybe it is because I think it will give me more of a lavish lifestyle that is free from growing pains that I would rather not encounter. But truly, if that were the case, I would not need to be rooted in Jesus that has already established every single detail of my life. And just maybe, wanting to have it all together will allow me to not have to dump out all of my weaknesses.
I have to admit more times than I want to that this image of perfection is always going to try to stand in the way of authenticity and the need for Jesus to bring me to my knees when I feel I am in a drought. In the scriptures, 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 says, “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Sufficient means that it is enough. When I want to give myself this pep talk about being enough, I have to bring myself down to remember that it is Christ that is enough. It is Christ that has the strength for my imperfectly crafted weaknesses.
Having it all together may be possible for some, but to the one fighting this urge to live out an image of perfection by upholding a standard that has been placed on by oneself or by others—I say, allow Christ to rule in the space of having it all together. Allow Christ to show up in all His loving ways to take you from fighting to have it all together to get yourself together day by day through His constant, unchanging, everlasting, and available love.
Because if we have it all together first, we will continue to miss out on the opportunity for God to use us for His glory in the current season of our lives before He unfolds the new one. It is a time when God gets to build our character and remove all the stains that only He can cleanse. If not having it all together is our excuse for waiting to move in obedience and steadfastness, we will never take any steps that result in progression. The beauty of this all is that when we rely on the Lord to gather us and dress us up with His glory, we take the focus off ourselves and lift the burden of trying to pull every facet of our lives together on our own. He is there, rooting for you and showing up fully; even when you don’t have it all worked out.
