Dear Grief, I Am Embracing Change in Womanhood
When I was a little girl in grade school, I once said that when I got older, I wanted to be a doctor to help people. Yet as I aged, my passions and interests started to change. There would be seasons when I would love a thing and move on from it because I believed it no longer fit in where I was going in life. As a child, changing my passions and trying new things was never a problem for me. I took it as a time to explore and find out what I loved. Fast forward the years to college, marriage, and motherhood, I have discovered how I grieve over things that no longer fit who I am and how I am growing in my womanhood.
One day, I sat in my house and confessed that I was grieving how much more I was changing. It is not a change I am forcing on myself, it is one of those life changes where God is stretching your faith in a new way which means there has to be a letting go of things. Sometimes, God doesn’t reveal what kind of things He wants us to release until we surrender our pride to be open to what He wants to say.
In many seasons of my life, I have deeply grieved and celebrated the changes God has done through me in ways that I had not experienced before. He is currently pulling me out of timidity and comfort to release a new wave of trust and boldness for His Kingdom. How do we respond to God when we so badly want to play it safe and shut Him out in case we get pained in the process? Truth be told, life is always going to come with pains. Some pains that we surrender immediately and some pains we try to tuck away in our back pocket until we let God know we no longer want to carry them. There are many things that I am learning about the nature of God and the beauty of His written word.
It is a risk to walk in change and out of what we have always been familiar with. Change can come with putting an end to relationships, an old way of thinking, and a release from habits that have been poor for our hearts. Many times, we don’t recognize ourselves in the process of change because we have clung to a certain image for a very long time. Sometimes we even want to explain ourselves to others about the ways God is transforming us. We want people to get it so that they don’t abandon us. We find ourselves fighting the people-pleasing game in case they don’t approve of where we are headed. Can I let you in on a little secret? They will have to catch on later. They will have to decide whether they embrace the stretching cocoon you’re coming out of or stay on the other side without being a part of the transformative process.
I know many people love to use the butterfly effect analogy–I think it is very fitting to use it here through these words. The life of a butterfly starts with an egg, flows into a caterpillar, develops into a pupa, and ends as a butterfly. The thing about any egg is that it simply does not remain an egg. It is intended to develop into something more. How could we dare stay the same when God’s powerful word simply changes us from the inside out–if we truly stay committed to being convicted, carried, and loved by it? The way He is freeing us from sin and breaking every cycle that has been holding us bound.
“Keep your life free from the love of money. Be satisfied with what you have, for he himself has said, I will never leave you or abandon you. Therefore, we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:5
God isn’t in the business of abandoning His children. He isn’t like what people around us have done to us. If we base our view of God on our relationship with people, we will constantly be at work in painting an image of God that is not depicted in His word. We don’t have to fear change when we know Who is carrying us through it.
It is okay to grieve that we no longer want to be where we once were. It is okay to give ourselves permission to surrender grief over the things we have to let go of while the grace of God carries us to produce something more sustaining and life-giving on the other side. Remember, God will remain with us as we commit to surrendering everything that was never meant to fill us in the first place. Embrace the change.
