What Marriages Teaches Me About Servant Leadership
When I was in high school, I would envision at an early age the type of man that I wanted to marry. In my generation, we grew up with a lot of cartoon love stories that exemplified having a happily ever after. As cute as those movies are, in reality, they hold more of a human heroic story about finding love. It is a time of love where people can control the outcome that they want to see. As I grew my walk with the Lord in my early 20s, His word changed a lot of my viewpoints about marriage. As my husband Marquis turned 31, I reflect on the time I spent time with him for the first time on his birthday. He was turning 24 years old while I was finishing my last year in college. It was a huge year for us as we were newly engaged, making sure I was tackling my classes, and also honoring God in the waiting period of our big day. Over the years, I have heard people use the term servant leader. It is one thing to hear the word and one thing to watch someone live life as one. I witnessed my husband every day for the past 6 years and some months serving and bringing safety to our home. It is something that I have grown in by watching his leadership daily. It is one thing to serve others and another thing to serve them with safety. Servant leaders bring safety by being an example of Christ, even when it is challenging. They live intentionally and learn to overcome comparing their journey to where others are because of how God has uniquely created them.
Throughout my childhood, I grew up heavily going to church and learning about Jesus in a Christian home. My husband’s religious background growing up was a bit different which left me curious about how he knew how to live out his faith. He explained to me that he encountered a friend on his college campus who introduced him to the faith and invited him to church. Through those college years, he was able to learn about growing as a disciple in Christ, seeing the foundation of a Christian marriage modeled, and how faith plays a huge role in our everyday. In a world that believes men have had to grow up in the church to have a true relationship with the Lord, I would have to disagree. The community around him served him well enough to encourage him to serve others in relationships with others.
"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45
Jesus modeled what it looks like for us to serve and lead others. He also modeled calling other people up around him like his disciples to serve others well. Truly, sometimes it is hard to serve others because it is costly. Jesus could do such a thing perfectly because he was without sin. In our human nature, we can be hurt by others or even hurt others by the words we speak. But you know what I have learned about servant leaders? They decide to forgive and confront problems that are causing destruction. They lay down their pride and fears to serve others, even if that means saying or doing the hard things. I have also told Marquis that he was made to do hard things. God has placed him in leadership roles that seemed impossible to manage. God has placed him in positions where people could press him to compromise his values; one of those things is time with family. Servant leaders are intentional about where they devote their time and attention. One thing Marquis models is letting work go when he walks out of the door. It is rare that he checks his emails after work or during the weekend. He has exemplified working hard enough during the week so that time with family becomes just that. I have always been grateful to have that model in our home, especially given the fact that I sometimes think I am missing out on things if I am not checking in.
One of my reflections about my husband this year for his 31st birthday is the gratitude in my heart for a man who has always made me feel so safe in his leadership. We have learned the uniqueness of our home as we serve and lead others together and individually, especially our children. A man who now has a little toddler girl who watches how her mother is loved. A man who now has a little toddler boy who watches how his mother is cared for. A family that gets to experience a man lead will with honor, integrity, and respect for the Lord and the plans for our family.
How does one reading this grow in servant leadership? By being directed by the Lord each day and being in spaces with others that model what is it like to live as a servant leader. Servant leaders follow Christ first and stay committed to growing through challenges, joys, and hardships. Happy 31st birthday to my husband whom I dearly love!
