He Holds Us: Hope Through Postpartum Anxiety and Depression

Postpartum. It is a word that is constantly spoken from the mouths of mothers after childbirth. As I write this blog piece eleven months postpartum with my secondborn, I reflect on my motherhood postpartum experiences. After giving birth to my daughter in the height of the pandemic, I remember convincing myself months down the road  that I was only experiencing postpartum blues until I began to notice more changes in my mood. Truthfully, I thought that because I was a Chrisitian woman strong in her faith, had a great husband, and a supportive family, I would not experience any postpartum anxiety and depression that many mothers talked about. I wholeheartedly wanted to believe that I would not experience anything beyond postpartum blues because the stories of what mothers endured sounded painful and in this life, going through pain is not a thing we are a fan of. 

As I have stories about my postpartum journey with both my son and daughter, I want to shed hope to the mom who may be going through or overcoming the stages of postpartum anxiety and depression. I can recall many images of weeping through the night and disappointed in myself that I felt the way I did. I was confused as to why I was feeling hopeless, anxious, fearful, and sometimes even angry for having those feelings. I believed that I was doing my family a disservice for cycling through the emotions beyond the hours of late night breastfeeding. I already spent hours at the hospital preparing to give birth so why was it so hard months later? Why was I blessed with such beautiful children yet challenged in my faith as well as my emotional and mental health? These are real questions that I would ponder on each time I had a hard day postpartum. 

In the Christian community, we have come a long way in relation to the terminology anxiety and depression. I remember spending a couple days while my husband was at work praying and weeping excessive tears in my bedroom because I wanted things to change. Sometimes mothers really want the people they love to understand the emotional waves that come with childbirth. Oftentimes, some understand, and others never will. That is the reality of God specifically hand picking us to birth and raise the children He gave us. 

Psalms 139:23 reads, “Search me, oh God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties;. In this scripture, the psalmist David was pleading with the Lord to know his heart and anxieties. He courageously and confidently writes about the Lord knowing everything about Him. During the postpartum season, it can seem like no matter how much a mother explains it, no one knows the depth of the anxieties she wrestles with. Because truly, no one will ever understand our suffering and hard seasons of life like God can. I decided that no matter how hard postpartum was, I would continue to strengthen my faith where my flesh was weak. I would toss away pride and accept the support around me. I would continue to hope in Jesus when I had every reason not to.  

Postpartum looked very different with both of my children. One looked like succumbing to weeks of isolation out of shame and embarrassment, which is one of the enemy’s tools to keep a mother out of community and away from restoration and healing. The other looked like going to therapy, sitting in the doctor’s office sharing about where I am, being more vocal with the way family and friends could support me, and simply choosing to continually read my Bible, journal, and honor God through prayer despite my hard postpartum seasons. 

Truthfully mom, when fear, hopelessness, anxiety, or shame is present, we do not have to believe the lie that change cannot happen in us. God placed children on this earth for us to enjoy them. He placed community around us so that we don’t submit to a life of isolation that traps us in a state of discouragement. He placed the truth of His word even when our faith is shaky and our hearts are uneasy. God knows us well. He knows us in every season of motherhood. He hears our cry for help when it feels hard to press forward. He restores hope and strengthens our faith when the world’s self-help books on parenting children aren't enough. He knows us like he knew  David. 

“O Lord, You have searched me and known me.

You know my sitting down and my rising up;

You understand my thoughts afar off.

You comprehend my path and my lying down,

And are acquainted with all my ways.

For there is not a word on my tongue,

But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.

You have hedged me behind and before,

And laid Your hand upon me.”

Psalm 139: 1-5

Through the tough times of David in the Bible, he was sure that God had known him. He knew his ways, his lying down, and his thoughts afar off as the scripture reads. We can trust that God knows us in our postpartum season. We can rely on Him when we need wisdom for help or hands for the community we desire to be surrounded by. We can tell him our honest thoughts when we are too afraid to share them with anyone else. He captures our tears and covers our shame despite how we feel in our flesh. He holds a mother up when life gets low and His word remains the same forever, even when the stages of motherhood change. You can read that in Hebrews 13:8. We can hope and believe in Jesus to transform us daily as he guides us through this journey of motherhood. He is there to hold us.

•This blog is not a medical diagnosis for postpartum. If you’re experiencing postpartum anxiety and depression, talk with a professional about your symptoms.•