Preparation: Our Family's Journey of Surrendering & Pioneering for Kingdom Impact
What do you do when God is asking you to surrender over and over again? What do you do when your family is in a series of transitions all at one time? That is how I can describe what these past two years have been for our growing family and I know these words will encourage someone to see God’s hand in the unknown, the new, and major life changes. I added the words ‘surrender’ and ‘pioneer’ because that is what these past couple of years have been. To pioneer is to “go before others, preparing the way and leading into new territories or experiences.” And to surrender is to “yield or submit to the authority of God.”
Are there any areas of your life where God is preparing you? Are there any places you need to surrender to pioneer unto the Lord? I will warn you that yes, it will come at a cost, but the beauty you will find is with the Lord, resting upon your journey, and staying near to His heart when you want to give up.
The year 2023 was the start of the moment when Marquis and I began to stop resisting the tension we were feeling in our hearts and open the space for the Lord to speak to us about life changes and adjustments. I remember the long days and nights processing in my mind and trying to make sense of what was going on in my heart. It was like I woke up one day and many things just began to feel different.
One breezy fall in October 2023, my open, curious, and interested heart left me sitting on my couch with my journal and the Lord. I could not understand all that was happening in my heart but I knew something was deeply changing. It was a long year of toiling with the Lord about what He was instructing our family to do and honestly, not every day felt like a sense of calm. Have you ever been there before on your journey?
It was a lot of wrestling and inquiring of the Lord and the familiar was getting uncomfortable. It was hard to put language to it and describe it to others around me. Marquis was working, we were serving in our local church, the kids were having their daily needs met, and we were just flat-out feeling comfy in our season…until we weren’t anymore. It was in those moments that we realized it was time to have some tough conversations about acknowledging the transitions going on within our hearts.
It seemed that God was pivoting us in many different ways, and that was inviting us to engage in intentional prayer. So there I was, finally deciding to not run from the fullness of what God wanted to show us about our family even though He had been showing us small details about our journey forward. In my purple journal, I sat and allowed God to share His heart with me. I share these words from the heart of the Father because so many times, especially in our digital age, it can appear as if people are getting overnight success in ministry, on their jobs, and with their families. For us, this journey has been more like a rooster crowing at any time of the day or night and us deciding how we would respond to the alarm. Here I was, on our comfy grey couch allowing the Lord to speak. It is necessary to pause to hear from the Lord because, in the state of our rest, we have the opportunity to abide and surrender everything to Him. Throughout this writing piece, you will come across some journal entries to read about my time sitting with the Lord over the past two years. I encourage you to read this journey as a reference point in what God does through pioneering and surrendering while reminding you that He is the first and primary voice of reference in your journey and relationship with Him.
Breaking New Ground: Journal Entry from the Lord Tuesday, October 17, 2023
The Lord said, “I am breaking new ground right now for you and Marquis. I have made crooked paths straight for you both to walk on. There is soil being softened for the ground I have laid for you for my Glory. This is the time to move and obey the Lord. Don’t worry about things you may lay down along the way. I am calling you and Marquis to a missional field that does not look traditional. I know that you are about the local church, however, your roles will not function in the ways that you think. I am preparing you both to operate on a schedule that does not limit what you are being commissioned to. I am calling your family to the ends of the earth doing things that strengthen the gifts I have given you both naturally and supernaturally. You will not lack in the things to come.”
Then the Lord began to share about how our children will be able to adjust to different cultures and through change. He continued to speak saying, “You do not have to worry about the lifestyle they will be adjusting to. You will have the support to step in as you all walk alongside this new ministry territory. I am equipping you to serve more in a mission-focused way.” Then the Lord began to share with me why we did not see ourselves in a traditional staff role. As I wanted to make sense of what he was sharing, I leaned in to hear the rest of what God would have to say.
The Lord shared more saying. “I will give Marquis the timing of his current job role because what this is going to require is time and trust regarding resources. This is the time to step in a way your generation hasn’t seen before. There is a reason I have placed you in your home to have the flexibility to nurture your kids and expose them to things. As I do a new thing in you, I am going to be doing a new thing in them. With your steps of obedience to let go, you will see the Glory of the Lord unfold. You are prepared. Don’t look from your flesh but from the Spirit that is at work, molding things together. Your family will have times of traveling and some will be for missional work—even within the means of the states. You both will operate in the fullness of your gifting with times of togetherness. You do not need to fret about your capacity or health for I am with you. In due season, you have learned to navigate and wage against warfare. You have stood the test of faith and did not compromise your integrity in the process, now the time has come, and you have both committed to laying things down in order to step into a new thing. Move courageously and be attentive as things are going to move along swiftly. So, step into your yes, and don’t look back. -Abba”
Hearing from the Lord may look different for every believer. How do you discern when God is speaking to you? We can look at it many times in both the Old and New Testaments when God is speaking. Sheep know the voice of their Shepered and with God being the Good Shepered to us, we can know His voice. The scripture John 10:27 says, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” To hear the voice of the Lord we must take time to listen first through prayer and consistently reading His word which helps one have a discerning ear when He is speaking versus hearing our own thoughts. I strongly knew that the Lord was speaking to me about our family as I sat and journaled what He was pouring out. I also love journaling so that is no surprise to hear God use my writing moments to share a word with me.
As I shared things that the Lord spoke over our family with Marquis, I turned to him and asked how long did he see himself in his current job role. With the most serious face, he said, “Maybe five years.” My curiosity sparked as I shared my journal of the things the Lord had spoken. Marquis began to share things that God was also impressing upon His heart and throughout November 2023, we began to seek the Lord even more through prayer and fasting. Just three days into the fast, the Lord began to speak saying,
Praying, Fasting, & Planting: Journal Entry from the Lord // November 3, 2023
“It is time to plant thus says the Lord your God. The season forward is officially here. I have allowed you to see and hear all that you needed to hear. There was no wasted time in the preparation season. The Lord has sent confirmation and saw how you endured with integrity and intentionality in the face of man.” The Lord shared some other personal things with us and that is when I encouraged Marquis to take some time to see if anything was stirring in His heart. That same evening, Marquis came downstairs and we began to unpack together about the Lord wanting to send us into church planting; the very thing I have personally resisted for some time knowing it would take such a sacrifice to lead a congregation. This major change would require us to move forward from spaces that we have been serving in together for years.
Though I knew this was from the Lord, the more I processed it, the more I wanted to run from that idea of planting a church in the city I was born and raised in. It was as if this confirmation we got from the Lord came with a deep wave of grief, fear, and emotions I sometimes could not describe. It was when I began to come to a resolution that we were instructed to prepare to start stepping away from spaces in which we served for some time. The unknown of church, job, and family atmosphere changes seemed far too much to give up. What I thought would be a smooth sailing transition came with many tears, tests, and trials. Truly, we were tested on every side possible yet even today, I see how the hand of God used all those situations and circumstances to mature us for the work ahead. I am so thankful God gives us things one piece at a time so that we can give up control and allow Him to take the wheel.
I want to encourage those reading these words that a journey with the Lord is a life poured out. Obedience unto the Lord is a life poured out and seeking the heart of God daily is what will help sustain the journey. There will be times when it doesn’t make sense. There will be times when the warfare will be heavy, weighty, and very personal. It is the reason Christians are encouraged to put on the armor of God.
“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:10-18
Ephesians wasn’t just written for the pastor, evangelist, apostle, or church greeter. It was written for every Christian to live unified as a body of Christ. It was written as an encouragement, strength, and challenge to the saints of God enduring their everyday life with Christ. I was watching a clip one day on Better Together on TBN, and one of the speakers in the circle of women who shared a message said, “Typically the obedience leads me right into the wilderness.” That is exactly how I can describe what happened with our family. We were thrown into a wilderness journey but it was not without the hand and protection of the Lord. There were new things God birthed through it, one of those things was, finding out I was pregnant with our third baby.
Family Baby News: Monday, December 4, 2023
During the window of time when we knew we would be transitioning from many different things—-I found out that we would be adding a third baby to our household. Though we talked about adding to our family before, I never knew what all my pregnancies would come with. Layer transitions, hormones, warfare, and uncertainty all in one pack and it felt like a weight. Yet through it, God was still asking us to obey His leading. For months it was truly a wilderness, pruning, and refining season. I wanted God to tell me how we were going to be able to do it all while raising a family. I wanted all the details possible so that I knew what this was all going to require of us. I would ask, God, how could you call us to plant a church? Do you not see all the craziness in the news about the failures of the global church? Do you not understand that we are already sacrificing so much to raise a family and you still want us to do this? Could it be possible, Lord, that you have something else in mind? I candidly shared my concerns with Marquis and how difficult it was for me as God exposed the idols in my heart that were preventing me from fully accepting that this was what God wanted for our family. We talked through these moments with our mentors, pastors, and some family and friends. In a season where my heart was already vulnerable—I was challenged with how little or how much to share because truly, there were times that I was seeking approval for what God was asking of us. Though there is nothing wrong with talking with others about changes—it becomes dangerous when you start determining if you will step out with obedience based on the opinions of others.
“On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.” 1 Thessalonians 2:4
This is a reminder to not live for the pleasing of people when it comes to obedience to the Lord and surrendering our daily lives to Christ. I struggled deeply with people-pleasing season and each day, I had to get to the root of the idolatry that was causing me to be fearful about what others thought about our journey. God had to take me through some deep healing and to effectively pioneer with my family and the spaces he was calling us to. Do you ever find yourself not moving in full obedience because you’re concerned about what people think about what God already said? If so, the Lord can help get to the root of the fear and anxiety that is preventing you from moving forward.
Public Commissioning & Continual Surrenderance: March-April 2024
Fast forward the months—God is continually working inside our hearts and strengthening our marriage through the wild stages of warfare. It brought us closer to our knees in prayer and allowed scriptures to be our best defense against the noises surrounding us. A piece of me was feeling the weight of disappointments and shame while making my best effort to surrender it all to Jesus. We finally arrived at the day we were set to be publicly commissioned through prayer and the encouragement of pastors. If you are unfamiliar with public commissioning, it is a formal blessing from a Christian community/church that supports the call the Lord has already spoken privately over someone. Remember, we should always be called by God above man in everything that we do. God then surrounds us with the people who will embark with us on the journey.
It seemed as though we had arrived and the hardship of the season was over. There were so many times when I wanted to throw in the towel; the cost did not seem worth the suffering or sacrifice. Obedience felt like it was coming with too much weight and opposition. Even Hebrews 5:8 reminds us that, “Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.”
I remember that next month in April at a world conference with our ministry family in the Dominican Republic, a Pastor who leads in Peru came up to us alongside our children, prophesying promises over us from the Lord. We were reminded by the Lord to not fear and that the Lord was sending nations to us. When we got back home—-we spent three months hosting spaces for people to connect about our church plant. It seemed exciting until there was no fruit being produced. Laying down our self-ambitions, preparing for the arrival of our third baby, forgiving others, undoing trying to build and ‘church system’, and allowing God to deal with pride, it all seemed messy yet our hearts remained postured unto the Lord.
Laying Aside Church Planting: June-August 2024
A time came in the summer of June 2024 when I texted Marquis and said, “Something has to change.” He assured me that it would. I had so much doubt and I was doing all I knew to do so that my heart would not grow cold or numb. “Lord, don’t you see us?” I thought so many times. My husband is working in his career, I am home full-time with our children, and we transitioned from spaces God told us to, so why did the new ministry territory feel so hard? That same week my heart desired deep change, Marquis got a text from the ministry director of the international ministry that has walked alongside us since the beginning of our marriage. We sat down and chatted about where we were and Marquis was offered a brand new position as the Executive Ministry Director. It was truly a divinely appointed time for our family. We spent time praying, fasting, and looking through the prophetic promises God spoke over us.
I reflected on the times when the Lord assured me that Marquis would be leaving his job which I thought would be years from now and there we were with the Lord, seeing Him confirm a thing that we had no idea would happen so soon. We committed our ‘yes’ and graciously navigated Marquis's transitioning out of his career for our family to have more flexibility in full-time ministry. What did it cost us? Well, first - we ended up putting the church plant aside to focus on this major transition. My heart sank into a little confusion because I was sure that this was an instruction from the Lord for us to plant a church. Of course, I wrestled while trying to embrace the newness of what God was sending us into. It seemed like another thing we had to walk away from and surrender. I was becoming so sure that maybe we might have heard God wrong. This little heart of mine felt slightly embarrassed that we went through an entire process with the Lord. Through those months, God taught us to rest as we engaged in new territory and trusted that he would unravel the pieces that we couldn’t see. I reflected on all of my days of grumbling and complaining, blaming myself for the cause of us not being able to move forward.
We sat at home or church on Sundays seeking the Lord for the community our family should engage in since laying church planting aside. I didn’t understand why it felt so uncomfortable sometimes. One day, I decided that I would bring myself to talk to the Lord about this courageously. Two weeks postpartum I sat on our bed and I began to feel the grief of laying church planting aside knowing I felt so sure this is what God had for our family. I wanted our family to be in true obedience to God. You would think the one running from church planting the most, (me), would have gotten some relief—yet I just knew in my heart that God was clear even when the season didn’t look that way.
Has any of your seasons with the Lord felt like everything just crashed? It can be a very difficult recovery, but only if you bend your heart away from the Lord. Sometimes the enemy tries to weaponize us with what seems like failure to push us away from our faith in Christ. Wasn’t Jesus Himself tempted in the wilderness? Why do we think we won’t be tested ourselves?
“Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Matthew 4:1-11
Yes, it said the Spirit led Him there, however, that didn’t mean it was going to come without opposition. In this life with Christ, we are constantly being led by the Spirit in our journey. Though the enemy tries to play his game, we have the power to resist him as James says.
“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7
We even see where Jesus took the time to resist the devil while he was in the wilderness. Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’ Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him (Matthew 4: 10-11).” As intense as it sounds— wilderness or not, we have the power through Christ to resist the devil so that he will flee when he plots tests and trials against us!
Though our journey was still coming with a lot of pruning and sanctification, we proudly welcomed our baby girl in the middle of August of 2024. It was a beautiful home birth that I wrote about before. It was a time when I was able to see the Lord at His word once again as he provided us with incredible midwives who were attentive to our needs all around as a growing family. Whenever you feel like you’re in a hard season, journey, or even wilderness—I want to encourage you to see areas where God has been at work. It helps to focus on that character of Who He is while awaiting other promises that were spoken.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
The fact that God has said in his word many times that we will never leave or forsake us, is a promise we can walk in daily.
You Are Not Abandoned: Journal Entry from the Lord // Sunday, August 25, 2024
Time passed and the Lord spoke to me and said, “Daughter, I have not abandoned you on this journey. You can trust what I am doing.” He reminded me that He was not absent amidst His redirection. The Lord then said to me, “I am doing this new thing as a layer of protection over your family. The church planting process was a test of faith and a sacrifice of obedience that has not gone in vain or waste.” My flesh rising wanted to turn off the sound of the Lord but I knew that I did not have to fear what he wanted to say. He said, “You were not ready to take on what this was going to require of you. The testing of your faith produced perseverance for this season it was supposed to.” He further shared that he would build things in me through the responsibilities I have. The Lord ended His words by saying, “There is no need to make an idol out of the work of ministry for the sake of proving to those you love that I am in this. You will need to be carried by wisdom and allow me to guide you in the journey forward. It is not for you to figure out. Trust and try me in this. This labor is not in vain—-abide in the presence of what I have given you right now." -Abba”
Though that moment was necessary—-I look back and realize how much God wanted my heart to be in alignment with His heart, and to be focused on being supportive of my husband’s new Executive Ministry Director role. I knew that God wanted my whole heart to be fully in step with His plans instead of living out of a place of fear, anxiety, and discontentment so I sat longer and allowed Him to deal with my heart while being present with our new baby girl. It was the month where learned more about His rest, His heart, and His truth. It allowed the Lord to purify our hands and our hearts even more so that our family would be prepared together to take on the other things He promised and what He asked of us through our obedience.
Abiding in Jesus Through it All: Journal Entry from the Lord // Thursday, October 30, 2024
“Daughter, abide in me for your labor is not in vain. I have provided healing for you as you stood the test of time. I have pruned your heart and sanctified your hands.” The Lord then began to share with us that he was sending us back into church planting. The Lord said, “You have stood the test of time with your husband and it will look a lot different as you both have learned to plow the ground and cling to the hope of the Gospel.” The Lord downloaded some other things to me and encouraged me to be patient, pray, and follow the leading of Marquis.
As I shared what the Lord placed on my heart with Marquis, the Lord aligned us in a new way. My hesitation to take in what the Lord was saying was a challenge at first because I blamed a lot of my grief for the reason we had to pause planting. Though I gave God the ‘yes’—the reality of church planting in the city I was born and raised in and surrendering my heart to obey the Lord came with unforeseen challenges that He used to grow us as a family. The warfare, relationship changes, and the ways God was leading us to serve were heavy. For seven months we didn’t gather anyone to connect with church planting. God gloriously refined our hearts in our journey for His good. He brought us to a deeper place of fellowship with Him while allowing Him to release us from anything more that could be a hindrance to the lives we were being called to. What seemed like strict discipline was the Lord purifying our hearts and cleansing our hands for the work ahead.
The Beauty of Surrender: November 2024-March 2025
January 2025 came and all the months of resting, sitting, rejoicing, lamenting, repenting, and praying equipped us for where we are currently today. God led us to completely dissolve the mission, vision, and name of the direction we were going with the former church plant. He gave us a new church name and mission that flowed for the people He was leading us to serve. We have already witnessed prophetic words being fulfilled even though there were months of uncertainty and questioning if we had heard God correctly. Our family has been to other nations to serve and be among the ecclesia (church) like the Lord said would occur over our family. We launched back into church planting and have seen the promises of God poured out.
I can testify that surrender is what brought us here and though I am sure there will be other hard seasons to overcome, it will never be without the hand of God. There was a reason God continued to encourage leaders like Joshua to be strong and courageous. There was land he was getting prepared to occupy. There is a reason why God had to send Jesus to the cross to suffer and live in human form to show us what a life lived out for the work of the Gospel looks like. To be the hands and feet that serve and meet needs. To attend to the lost sheep. To glorify a good Father in Heaven. So, my encouragement to you reading this, keep surrendering because obedience to the heart of the Father is needed in this day and time. Yes, even through the trials, sufferings, setbacks, and unresolved problems; He is in the details of them all.
Scripture Reflections:
“Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin.” 1 Peter 4:1
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
