Keeping Marriage Healthy After Giving Birth
When I gave birth for the first time, I had no idea how much life would change in marriage. I can look back and laugh at all the things that went down in the hospital room. I danced to music, I walked to get the baby down, and I had a moment of rushing Marquis out of the bathroom to massage my back again when a new contraction was coming. Childbirth takes a lot of work and I am very grateful for the endurance of my husband through my 12-hour birth. In this society, it is important to guard your heart from the things spoken about marriage and motherhood. Contrary to negative beliefs, a marriage can thrive in good health after giving birth. It takes two people intentionally coming together to invest in the growth together as a new parent. As I know I can’t speak for everyone’s marriage, I can share insight through my own life and God’s word about ways to keep a marriage healthy directly after giving birth.
Honest Communication: One of the tests in my marriage occurred after a few weeks of breastfeeding. I was struggling with producing milk and I immediately started to feel like a failure as a new mom. Eventually, I was able to produce the proper milk supply but I can remember the shame I felt for it not coming in the way it was supposed to.
Early on in marriage, I had to grow away from believing my husband was a reader of my mind. The truth is, the way my mood was or the silence of my footsteps around the house when I was frustrated wasn’t going to solve what was on my heart and it surely wasn’t going to help our marriage.
As hard as it was sometimes after giving birth, I had to be honest about the way I was feeling and the specific areas I needed more support in. I think sometimes it is easy to put expectations on your spouse without having open and honest communication first. Everything about me changed in so many ways. My physical, mental, and emotional health. Yet through those changes, I had to be mindful of the way I seasoned my words as a wife.
Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” Yes, even after becoming parents and dealing with all the changes in the home, we are still called to season our words gracefully to one another. We can be honest about our feelings even when it feels better to respond with internal rage or frustration; trust me I have been there.
Being Intentional (Words & Actions): Going on a date night is not always the first thing that will happen after childbirth and sex could be the last thing on a mother’s mind. However, through the transition into parenthood, there are still things that marriages can do to invest in one another. As a father can ensure he is intentional in helping around the house, changing diapers, running some errands, and other things, a mother can be intentional by encouraging her husband through her words when she can’t give too much of herself mentally, physically, and emotionally. Please and thank you can truly help in the way spouses respond to one another.
“Thank you husband for taking out all the trash and keeping the kids occupied so I can rest.”
“Thank you for getting some new diapers at the store and getting more gas in the car.”
“May you please make dinner tonight? I thought I was ready to attend to house duties again.”
Do you remember in the dating phase before marriage when please and thank you were an occurring thing because of the person you REALLY like? Those are things that are still needed to encourage one another in a marriage. On the other hand, a husband can do things to help their wife through all the efforts that went into giving birth to a human.
“I know you are not feeling the best today but I am proud of how you endured childbirth.”
“Thank you for being a blessing to our home. We will take this a day at a time as you recover.”
“You seem a little more tired, how can I best support you today?”
From there you learn how to serve one another. 1 Thessalonians 5 says, “Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.” Paul was referring to believers, the body of Christ. When a marriage is a part of the body of Christ, shouldn’t we be comforting, serving, and loving one another just as Christ would? Marriage is ministry work and we get to decide how we will be partakers of it, even when we are going through a transition of parenthood.
Loving Each Other through Hardship: Everyone’s hardship after childbirth will look different. For some, it could be a spouse enduring anxiety/depression or overcoming a traumatic childbirth experience. It could be seeing a spouse decline in their mental health or having moments of sadness when their body is in pain. Sometimes it could be recovering from an incredible birth experience yet trying to overcome new and unexpected adjustments at home.
All of these things help to produce perseverance and strength in marriage. You either let the race run you or you decide to run the race together. You can still choose joy together even if circumstances have changed.
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
It is a blessing to bring children into the world and although the adjustment is major, it builds character, hope, and perseverance just like the scripture reads. I love that the scripture says, “Hope does not put us to shame” and that is even freeing for me to read as I write. A marriage can hope together after giving birth and be restored through any shifts that occur in the home—praying for one another out loud even when you don't feel like it. Confessing where there are areas of struggle so that the just God we serve can speak to the areas of any new life transitions in marriage.
It is possible to keep a marriage healthy and strong because all things are possible through Christ Jesus. It is nothing we can just read about and believe in faith. Marriage also has to activate works and be intentional about the union being built up instead of torn down due to the added factor of children.
Join the newsletter mailing list of Makayla S. Harris by subscribing here.
